Aries: “I’ma throw a milkshake in your face.”
Taurus: “I hate you. Not joking. Bye!”
Gemini: “Sorry I’m not rich like you, Ms. 1%”
Cancer: “If I had a mic right now, I’d drop it.”
Leo: “I was born for politics. I have great hair and I love lying.”
Virgo: “I’d describe the workflow today as dismal with a tiny dash of pathetic.”
Libra: “The English language cannot fully capture the depth and complexity of my thoughts, so I’m incorporating emoji into my speech to better express myself. Winky face.”
Scorpio: “Always say your insults to someone’s face. No paper trail.”
Sagittarius: “Every time you talk I hear that sound that plays when Pacman dies.”
Capricorn: “My spirit animal is now this. The naked mole rat: God’s disgusting mistake.”
Aquarius: “Does anyone else get a little bit of a gay vibe?”
Pisces: “Now, before I tell you my idea- are you allergic to dolphins?”











